Thursday, April 01, 2010

Just a piece of junk...

At this time, only my little hamsters can make me happy. 
None can do this. 
I feel like I'm so hopeless right now. 
I really want to talk to my mom, about all of my problems. 
But I just can't make it. 
I can't talk. Like there's a key to make my mouth opens. 
So I just type it. 
Maybe my dad or my brother will read it some time later.

I got a boyfriend. 
And he like to accuse me, something I didn't do. 
I know I'm just a piece of paper, not like a color paper like other girls. 
He said I'm not his type. 
And I feel like I'm the one who run to catch him, while he do nothing. 
He's a handsome guy. 
Many girls say so. And some of them really like him. 
Of course I'm jealous! 
But I'm his girlfriend. He admit it, just once. 
Now, he always talk about other girls. 
Sometimes he will asked me to do this and that just like some girls that he saw. 
I know I'm not pretty. 
I don't know how to dress like a beautiful girls, with a baby shirt, lady's jeans and a heels. 
But me is me! 
Can't he accept what I am?

Maybe I like to ask. 
He always said he's not comfortable with me. 
He's boring with me. And getting fed up sometimes. 
But I still waiting for his SMS or call like a stupid girl. 
Yeah.. he always called me stupid. And some other names he wants to call me. 
Like he never respect me as a lover. 
I always think, if I could turn back time, 
I will never met him, and go on with my ex again. 
But I know, it's too late now. 
My ex will never contacted with me. 
I will never share my problems with him again. 
My boyfriend, maybe, makes me like a doll. 
If he wants to play, he searches for it. 
And will dump it if he's getting bored.

Maybe this is my 'reward' after I hurt people that love me so much. 
I know I'm wrong. 
It's all my mistakes and I'm so sorry for what I've done.

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This is Hani